i was hoping to continue to be sparkly and fun and address many timely issues here on tinyengine. i had also made a commitment to myself that this would not turn into a pregnancy blog. however, i have to tell you that today's entry will be about pregnancy. you can leave now if you like, but i can promise that i won't talk about the baby kicking or about my need to buy tiny items in the baby aisle at target when we were really only there for electrosol and cotton.
if you have read this far, i am now going to reward you by telling you that the subplot of this pregnancy entry is moldy cheese. yes, that's right. bleu, gorgonzola, stilton, brie, camembert. smelly, fantastic, moldy cheese.
now, i am sure that many people (the french, crack addicts, people who worry less than i do) manage to drink coffee, smoke crack, eat moldy cheese, sushi, deli meat and steak tartare without the slightest concern or ill effect. however, i am trying to follow all of the guidelines laid out in all of the 12,670 books i have read on pregnancy. that means that i am avoiding saunas, baths over 100 degrees (the only kind that matter), raw fish, soft cheese, moldy cheese, medications, eye dilating drops, coffee, diet coke, splenda, sugar-free gum, smoking, alcohol and amusement park rides. now i used to be a bit of a coffee fiend, but i saw this coming, so i gave it up months before i got pregnant. i haven't been that interested in it since, which is pretty good. as for the rest of the list (which is by no means complete) i haven't had much difficulty living without any of them except, well, maybe baths, and moldy cheese.
but the funny thing is this. and this is what made me think about the whole thing today when i took out my "natural" chewing gum. well, first i'll tell you that some people ascribe to the theory that things that make pregnant women nauseous are things that pregnant women should avoid. cigarette smoke, for example. i found that the smell of coffee, previously one of my favorite smells ever (except for the smell of the side of my granule's snout which smells sometimes like popcorn and sometimes like grape soda) was the smell of coffee. but in the first trimester, it didn't smell good to me at all. so who knows. not that cigarettes ever smell good to me, but when someone steps into an elevator, or gets next to me in line at a store and they've just had a cigarette, i really do feel like i could vomit all over the place.
so back to my point. the other night we had dinner with some friends. we met up at their house, had some wine and cheese (i had water) and i couldn't stop staring at the bleu cheese on the plate. i was fixated on it. i even had to smell it at one point. then, last week, my barossa of all barosse bought some kind of fascinating french cheese that was unmoldy except for a moldy stripe down the middle. i was so tempted, i didn't know what to do. i managed to quell my insane urge for the cheese with another, non-moldy and irish variety. we also fried it up with mushrooms into a nice little cutlet, but that is another story. anyway, sometimes, i just open the refrigerator and look at that wedge of cheese longingly.
well, back to the point again. sorry about that. the point is that today, when i had some of my tangerine glee gum (made with natural chicle, rice syrup and other things) its tangerine flavor (which lasts for exactly 4.5 seconds) gave way to a distinctly roquefortian finish. i mean, the gum tastes exactly like moldy cheese. and the surprise was that i wasn't happy about it. i don't know if it's because my obsession with the cheese is just because i want what i can't have, or if it's because it's just naturally disgusting to have your all-natural tangerine gum taste like blue cheese. in any case, i spit it out. and then, the wintergreen altoids that i bought (which i haven't bought in many years, because they contain gelatin) tasted exactly like, you guessed it, blue cheese. but this time, it's the first few seconds, and then they taste like mint. i can't figure it out. but it's pretty gross. and also, it's what i get for knowingly buying something with gelatin in it.
so if anyone has any theories, i'd be happy to hear them.
i know pregnancy does lots of strange things to the senses. my asian cracker mix that i was obsessed with the first few weeks of my pregnancy (and the week before i even knew i was pregnant) started to taste distinctly of burning hair. and that's when i stopped eating it. then, other snacks lost their appeal when they began to taste and smell like body odor and feet. so, i'm no stranger to the gustatory metamorphosis possible courtesy of a hormonal blitz, i just hadn't imagined it to be so bizarre, or so disgusting.
and, if that weren't enough, i recently read that babies born to women who eat peanuts or peanut butter during their pregnancy (and some reports say just in the 3rd trimester) are at higher risk for peanut allergies. now that just plain sucks. i'm sorry. i did a lot of research though, and the data is inconclusive. but even so, i am wracked with guilt every time i put peanut butter on my toast. i think i will stop pretty soon.
i know somebody who adopted two crack babies. their health is fine. and i'm pretty sure they eat all the peanut butter sandwiches they want and they aren't experiencing any anaphylaxis whatsoever. and my parents' generation put kids to sleep face-down in cribs slathered with lead paint, and we turned out just fine. well, except maybe we worry too much.
